Grief Is The Price We Pay For Love

Today has been 8 weeks...56 days...almost to the exact moment.

Last night I started Grief Share at a local church. Randy's friend and former coworker Mike is the pastor there, and he invited me. Randy and Mike worked together at First Volunteer Bank before Mike became a full-time pastor. Mike shared that Randy went to visit him right after his diagnosis last July. He wasn't at the church but told Randy to wait, he was on his way back. Mike said he prayed with Randy and gave him a list of Bible verses to refer to during his cancer journey. I know that Randy valued Mike's friendship and counsel. I found the list not too long ago, written on a yellow post it note, tucked in Randy's checkbook. 

Grief Share is hard. There were times last night when I felt like I couldn't breathe, and just wanted to leave. I didn't leave. I stayed, watched the video, cried some, listened to people who felt like sharing and came home and cried more. It was a lot of emotion. I'm still feeling it today. I keep looking at the Grief Share workbook on the kitchen table, knowing there is homework to do for next week. 

Tomorrow (October 9) is the anniversary of the day we met. We have a mutual friend, Nicole, who introduced us over FaceBook. We were FaceBook friends for a while, and even tried to meet at the Atlanta Tough Mudder one year, but that didn't work out. Fast forward a bit - Randy was coming to spend a couple of weeks at his home in Tennessee and invited me to come visit. I said yes. There was an instant connection. I remember he came down the sidewalk to greet me, gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear "Hi, I'm Randy". From that point on we were together.

Will I do the Grief Share homework and go back? Yes, I'll do it and I'll go back next week, and the week after that, until all 13 weeks are done. My journey through grief won't be over, but maybe the grief won't feel so heavy.






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