Three Deaths

Everyone grieves differently, and there is no time line on how long you grieve. I think in one way or another you grieve for the rest of your life. There are those dreaded firsts during the first year, which is where I am.

A couple of weekends ago I went to my first Terra Ambassador Breakfast and Group Run. I was talking to one of the other women there, and she was going to work after breakfast and had to skip the run. I asked her where she worked, thinking retail since it was a Saturday morning. She told me she worked at a funeral home and told me which one. Without even thinking I said "oh, you cremated my boyfriend last August" (yes, I really said that) When it dawned on me what I said, I started to laugh, then she started to laugh. She thought I was going to say "Oh you cremated my dog, or cat, or bird, so this is a first". 

It's funny who God puts in your life. The one thing I remember in the first few days after Randy passed was how kind everyone was at the funeral home when I was giving them information about Randy, when they called to tell me he was ready to come home and when I picked him up. They even called after I brought him home, just to ask how I was doing. I was able to tell her how helpful and kind everyone at the funeral home was, and she wanted to hear about Randy and our life together. It was really nice to talk about Randy with someone new.

This got me thinking - why don't we normalize talking about our loved ones who aren't with us anymore? Is it painful? Yes, sometimes it is. But I think it's even more painful when people stop. I know that people think that they are sparing you the pain of memories, which is not true
. What's even more painful is forgetting, or thinking others have forgotten. The Mexicans believe that people die 3 deaths - the first is when your heart stops beating, the second is at your funeral and the third is when the living stop saying your name. It is my goal to never have the third death happen to any of my loved ones.